He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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