i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
