i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
