names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So many bounce houses so little time
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
