dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
