I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm too high and old for this...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
