he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
