can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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