i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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