I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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