Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
