Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
