Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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