yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
