There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize