....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
