i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
