The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I love you. Go after that dick
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
