Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I want to have your abortion
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She bit a glass in half.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
