I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
