well I can't set my house on fire every night
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
