I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
