Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
