totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
