Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize