My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
