He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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