Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
