DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
