I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
