didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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