so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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