If i come over, it means nothing
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
