My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
