plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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