i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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