My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
