I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
