She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
