Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
last night I used snow as a chaser
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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