so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
