You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
