White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Randomize
