I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
