you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
