I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
