drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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