Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Damn victory sex feels great
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