i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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