my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize