I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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