covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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