dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
