I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
