Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
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My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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