before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
