so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
