If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
