Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
there is glitter all over my balls
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
