Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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