That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
