Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
