Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
