i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
