i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
