Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
