It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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