When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
