I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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