Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
