I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
