M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
