Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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