dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
