you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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